


Fair

by Olivia_Ivy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, I promise, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, It's cute at the end, Sadstuck, Sadstuck Headcanon of mine, T for swearing, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:51:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia_Ivy/pseuds/Olivia_Ivy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dirk.”</p><p>“Yeah Roxy?”</p><p>“If a baby just crashed into my yard from outer space, does that mean she’s an alien?”</p><p>“... If the exact same thing didn’t just happen to me yesterday, I would fly to New York and pour all your booze down the drain myself.”<br/>*~*<br/>Based on a sadstuck Headcanon I made. I promise it gets cute at the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fair

**Author's Note:**

> Because I've always supported the "Strider-Lalonde family love" ship.
> 
> My sadstuck headcanon that this is based on:
> 
> The day before Rose crashed into Earth as a baby, Roxy's doctor told her she can never have kids.

Roxy knew something was wrong. She couldn’t quite place what it was, so of course, her first assumption was the Batterwitch. She told as much to her foster brother from when they were in the system together.

“Heeeeeey, Dirky,” she slurred over the phone. She could hear a video game in the background and Dirk was obviously eating something crunchy.

“Ro,” he said after he swallowed, “I’ve got the latest and greatest skateboarding game, a brand spanking new huge bag of Doritos - and not that Cool Ranch shit either - and a two-liter of orange soda. Also my outrageously awesome shades from when I was a baby, don’t even know where those came from, they’re just here. My fine ass is not leaving this seat until tomorrow when I absolutely have to so I can pick up something from my favorite record shop. Are you going to ask me to move?”

“No.”

“Then continue.”

She laughed, “Is nothin big. Jus feel like somethin’s off.”

“I’m going to stop you right there. Based on my previous knowledge of you and some statistics I’m currently pulling out of my ass right now, there’s a fifty percent chance the next sentence out of your mouth is going to involve the words ‘batter’ and ‘witch’. Also, there’s a one hundred percent chance that’s not what’s wrong.”

“’M tellin you, she’s real.”

“Uh-huh, sure, whatever you say Rox.”

“Blargh. The point still stands, somethin’s up.”

“Alright, I’ll humor you. While playing my game. Are you hungover?”

“Nope, still tipsy. Not even drunk.”

“Sick?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Are you PMS-ing?”

“Uhh, depends. Whas the date?”

“Second.”

“Oooofffffff?”

“December.”

“No, I …”

“What? It’s that, isn’t it. Knew it.” Roxy had stopped listening. No, that’s not right, is it?

“Dirk.”

“Hm?”

“I think I might be pregnant.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Sweet, I’m gonna be an uncle.”

“‘M not sure. Jus think so,” Roxy couldn’t keep the excited smile off her face. She had always wanted kids and told Dirk that when they were younger. He always told her that was fine as long as she made him the god-bro. Like a godfather, only cooler. “I haven’t had my period in a couple months.”

“Sis, I love you, but I don’t need to hear about how often you bleed out of your lady bits. And if you’re not sure, then just go to the pharmacy, pick up a pee test and find out.”

“I can’t go to the pharmacy, thas drunk driving!”

“I thought you were tipsy.”

“The state of New York doesn’t recognize the difference.”

“Ah.”

“'Sides, those are wrong all the time. I’ll go to the doctor’s and get tested there.”

“Fine.” He was quiet for a minute. “As cool as it would be to have a niece or nephew, I hope you’re not pregnant.”

“Why not?”

“A, because there’s a reason I have yet to ask who the father is. Because we both know the answer to that is ‘idk’. B, you’re drinking right now. And if you’re pregnant and you keep drinking, that kid’s coming out a vegetable. Consider this your wake up call. Checkout’s at 12, it’s now 11:59. Pack your shit and get out.”

She laughed again and set her drink on the coffee table. “Okay. I’ll see the doc today and tell you what the test said.”

“I call dibs on naming the little shit.”

“Is my baby, don’t I get a say?”

“I’m thinking Li’l Dirk or Callie.”

Roxy went to the doctor’s office and got her blood drawn and tested. The next day they called her and she went back for the news. She returned to her house and called Dirk again.

“Hey Rox, I’m on my way out the door, what’s up?”

“The doc gav me the reh-zuults of da tests.” She had a bottle of vodka clutched in her hand and tear stains on her face.

“Oh god,” Dirk said. She knew he could tell she was drunk.

“No no no no no,” she said, “yooo said yer leavin. Go, call me back, ill be fiiiiine.”

“Like hell you will. Screw that guy, I’ll pick it up later. You need me now.” Roxy could hear him settling in on his couch.

“Thanks Dirk.”

“Any time.” They were both quiet for a minute, save Roxy’s occasional sniffling or hiccups. “Roxy, you wouldn’t be this upset just because some dude in a labcoat told you you don’t have a person in your stomach. What else did he say?”

She took another long swig of vodka and coughed, letting out a few more tears, “H-he sed … he sed that my drinkin mess’d up my insides. I … I can’t …” she took another swig and sobbed, “Im nev’r gon be a mom.”

“I’m so sorry Rox. … If you really want kids, you can adopt or something.”

“I’m a alcoholic, Dirk!” she yelled, surprising even herself, “Who the hell is gonna gimme their kid?!”

They both sat silently again. “It’s not fair,” she whispered.

“I know Rox, I know.”

“Im not a bad persin. Whys this happnin ta me?”

“I don’t know.”

They were quiet for a third time. In situations like this, silence was as helpful as speaking.

“You still ther?”

“I’m still here Roxy.” Roxy heard what sounded like an explosion on Dirk’s end.

“Wha happned?”

“Let me check. … It looks like a meteor crashed into that record shop I was gonna go to. Thanks for saving my life Rox.”

“An time, bro,” she drunkenly giggled. She heard a small beep and Dirk groaned.

“Rox, I’m sorry, I’m getting another call, I’ll call you right back. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Dirk called back a few hours later when Roxy was already passed out on her couch. He left a message saying he had a new little brother he named Dave.

Roxy was woken on the morning of December 4th, 1995, by a loud crash near the laboratory. Her hangover was pounding its way through her skull, made worse by the noise. She angrily threw on her scarf and shoes and stomped out into the snow yelling about hangovers and noises and how _fucking_ early it was when she stopped. There was a large crater on the edge of her property. In it, she could hear a baby’s whine.

She stumbled down into the crater and saw a little baby girl clutching a dirty bunny and crying. The girl had blonde hair with a child sized headband in it. Roxy kneeled down next to the little girl and the baby opened its eyes and quieted its crying. The baby had purple eyes.

Roxy pulled her phone out of her pocket and called Dirk’s number, her strangely colored eyes never leaving the baby’s. “Dirk.”

“Yeah Roxy?”

“If a baby just crashed into my yard from outer space, does that mean she’s an alien?”

“... If the exact same thing didn’t just happen to me yesterday, I would fly to New York and pour all your booze down the drain myself.”

She was going to respond, but the baby started crying again. She hung up the phone. Roxy picked up the child and held her close. “Hey there,” she said softly, adjusting the baby in her arms. “Was that you making all that noise?”

The young girl stopped crying and looked up at the adult. She giggled and grabbed onto Roxy’s shirt with the hand that wasn’t holding her bunny. Roxy smiled. She could worry about how this girl ended up in a crater by her house later. For now, she had to figure out a name for her new daughter.

Rose sounds nice.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Also: Yes, I believe that B1 Roxy and Dirk were foster children because:  
> A.) The only reason B2 Dirk was able to "raise himself" is because B2 Dave gave him a sweet setup. That wouldn't have been the case in the B1 universe.  
> B.) There were no carapacians around to raise B1 Roxy.


End file.
